Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.  (Psalm 46:10 KJV)

Interestingly, for the past few weeks this scripture has come to my mind on numerous occasions.

It has kept me from saying things that I was later glad I had not said, it has given me time to think when I was rushing toward possible disaster, and has reminded me over and over again of who He truly is.

You see – He IS the great I AM.  He is MY God.  He is my HEALER.  HE is my Provider. He IS my Comforter.  He is my Savior.

For most of my life, well at least as far back as I can recall, I have been a fixer, a solver of problems, and an answer person.  Even as a child, my mother often called upon me to help with younger siblings, to ready them for church, to hold an ice pack on a bruised head, to comb the tangles from their hair, to feed them when they were hungry. . .

As I grew older, my friends and family often sought me out for input on their various crisis or decisions ~ especially when they were overwhelmed.  I will likely never forget the time when I was seventeen and my mother realized she was pregnant for the tenth time in her life.  She was overwhelmed and exhausted.  For weeks and months, she cried and told me how she simply could not bear the thought of having this baby.  She feared that she would die, her body was that tired.

I remember loving on her, encouraging her and reminding her that God surely must have a purpose for this child.  In truth, Mama did almost die, she wound up carrying the baby for a full ten months and Marsha was a very large baby.  At the birth, Mama began hemorrhaging and the doctor and nurses worked frantically to save her.  The doctor told Daddy afterward that he had to “do something” to ensure that Mama never became pregnant again, or she would surely die.  Daddy did and that was the last pregnancy Mama had to go through.  And, the baby, our Marsha, was a joy to her in her old age.  God’s ways are not our ways.

In my work and ministry experiences, I’ve often become the problem solver, the decision maker, the one who others came to for advice.  Rarely did I ever work a job that I was not promoted within weeks or months.  While this might sound exciting and glamorous, it in truth can be quite exhausting!

Ahhhhh, and then there was the raising of my own children!  Now that was a period of diplomacy in my life!  Trying to balance their distinct and different personalities was a challenge at times.  Add to the fact that they were four years apart in age, and there were some interesting times to be sure.  And with one a boy and the other a girl there were many times I may have wondered if I had made the biggest mistake in my life – by having kids!!  Certainly, there was rarely a dull moment in our home; nor a quiet one!  Yet, I loved them, and will to the day I die.  Never was there a regret, and I am grateful for the privilege of having been their mom.  But sometimes I was – am – tired.

This week, I went through a short period of very intense depression – now understand, I am normally not a depressed, downhearted person.  In fact quite the opposite is true.  But this came upon me quickly and with extreme intensity.  One moment I was going along just fine, and the next moment I found myself wanting to cry and go off to crawl in a hole somewhere.

I decided to get away by myself for a while, not to read, nor to sleep, or to “do” anything.  I simply sat in a chair out by my newly formed gardens and was still.  I didn’t play on my phone, I didn’t call anyone, I didn’t do anything.  I sat.  I was still.

In that quiet, still time, I felt such a presence of the Lord that it was almost tangible.  Was I sad and depressed?  Yes.  But I also knew that He was in control and that everything would eventually be alright.

After a while, I went in and lay down on our big old bed, and I simply went to sleep.  In my sleep, I dreamed a dream that I was a very old woman.  I could see myself with my hair pulled on top of my head in a funny little bun, my glasses were round and sat on my nose in a rather perky manner, my cheeks were soft and rather rosy.  Around my big old green armchair were numerous children and individuals.  As they took hold of my hands, one child stroked my left hand over, and over again.  I felt such a deep sense of peace.

In this dream, there was beautiful background music that seemed to be made up of harps, and of soft voices singing.  As everyone grew quiet, listening, I smiled; and I remember saying to them all, “It is good, He just wants us to be still for a bit.  He is God, and He loves us all more than we may ever truly know.  He will be exalted on the earth and in the Heavens.”

I awoke with a start; it took me a few minutes to realize that I was lying on my bed, and that I was only a tiny bit older than when I lay down; that indeed it had all been a dream.

Nevertheless, a joy filled my heart and I knew that everything really was going to be alright.