We celebrated Mother’s Day a couple of weeks back. With things being the way they are sometimes, I failed to write out my thoughts on this particular subject. And so today, I will attempt to put a few things down that reflect what the love of a mother means to me. You don’t have to agree – these are just a few of my thoughts and feelings on the subject!
Having had a wonderful mother, who although she was certainly human and had flaws and faults like us all, she taught me much about being a mother. And, after having raised two children to adulthood, while not perfect in any way, again I feel I may have some firsthand experience of this phenomenon called motherhood. I also believe that after ministering to hundreds of mothers nationwide in my forty years of ministry, I perhaps can speak with some little authority of what a mother’s love is not.
1. A mother’s love is not blind. By saying that, I mean that a mother sees her child in all their faults and failures, and yet still, she believes in them and loves them. She often sees her own faults reflected in those of her child, thus making it even more personalized. However, in spite of the fact that she may see things that concern her, she never stops loving and trying to protect that child, trying to encourage that child, and determining to love that child. A true mother always puts the well-being of her child before her own safety or cares. We all know stories of mothers who sacrificed their own lives to ensure that their child survived or became all they could be in spite of the odds stacked against them.
2. A mother’s love is not stupid. Now, before you get all upset with me, I know full well that “stupid” is not a word that is supposed to be in our vocabulary when raising children. But think about it for a minute with me. Sometimes, one would think that mothers just have no sense. They will defend their child to the death, both physically and emotionally. They will overlook issues, quirks, and situations for the sake of their child – and often times give them a second, third and perhaps fourth chance; sometimes when the child may not deserve it! Does this make them stupid? No, it makes them the kind of mother who is willing to allow her child to fail, and then be willing to pick them up and help them back on their feet over and over again. I know one mother who has several sons who have gone to jail and prison. As far as I can tell, even at her most discouraged, she never failed to love them and believe that they have a future and a hope. Does this make her “stupid”? I think not, it makes her a mother with an unlimited supply of love.
3. A mother’s love is not enabling. So many times over the years I’ve watched mothers (and perhaps I have done this as well) who try so hard to keep their children from ever getting hurt or from making mistakes, that they literally exhausted themselves. The fact is, we simply cannot fix every little thing in our child’s life. We cannot follow them around, hour by hour ensuring that they chose the right friends, eat the right food, wear the right clothes, etc. However, we can instill in them a sense of right from wrong, a desire to rise above the mundane, and teach them a healthy self respect that gives them an edge up in a world that will do everything in its power to destroy them. And when they fail, and perhaps wind up in trouble, as sometimes they will, we love them through it. We allow them to learn from their mistakes, all the while never doubting our love for them.
4. A mother’s love is not self-seeking. Mothers sometimes want their child to perform better than, be more appreciated, or to be more exalted than any other. I’ve heard of, and even seen mothers who would literally go so far as to commit social and physical murder just to see their daughter or son become the head cheerleader or get the best seat in band. At some point, you have to ask yourself; is she doing this for her child, or is there some greater motive at stake here? A true mother helps her child achieve, and yet at the same time teaches them to be glad when someone else does well, perhaps even better than they may do.
5. A mother’s love is not conditional. I see mothers today who set limitations on how much love they will show their child, depending on how that child behaves. A true mother does not place conditions on the love they feel for their child. Oh, they may set conditions on situations in order to teach them right from wrong, or to help them grow in a particular area of their life. But true love is unconditional. I’ve seen mothers whose children have done horrific things and even some have wound up in prison and yet that mother’s love never wavered. Granted, she may have grieved the circumstances, but she loved her child nonetheless. A mother stands behind her child, believing in them when the whole world comes against them.
6. A mother’s love does not see the impossible. This one is a bit hard to understand at times. When life throws us a curve-ball and our child is less than what we had dreamed of, or hoped for, it might be easy to give up. However, a mother who believes in her child sees possibilities where there appear to be none. I am reminded of one mother we know who found out that her child had Autism at an early age. I have personally watched this mother fight for her child day in and day out for nigh on to twenty years now. Her child finished elementary school against all odds, he graduated high school a couple of years ago, and is now enrolled in college. Although this child has limitations and always will have them, he has learned to become an over-comer, largely because of his mother’s love.
7. A mother’s love does not end. It doesn’t matter if your child has grown up, if they have left you emotionally or physically, if they are in prison, or even if they are dead; a true mother never stops loving her child. There is a connection between a mother and the child that she either bore, or took responsibility to raise, that is never ending. Even in the worst of cases, I believe that somehow, somewhere there is a connection. I have seen mothers and have heard of mothers who gave their children away at birth and yet remembered that birth date without fail, who saw a child the age their child would be and cried tears as they grieved the loss of their child for years and years. I have seen mothers who into their eighties and nineties still missed a child who may have died some sixty or seventy years before. A mother’s love knows no end.
And so, although this small list only touches the surface, I believe that a true mother, one who was designated by God to love her child, is a phenomenon. Even in the animal kingdom, we have untold examples of mothers who literally fight to the death for their child, who starve themselves to feed their little ones, and who love not only their own offspring, but many times those in the group. If you are a mother in any way, shape, or form today, I applaud you! It is an occupation that will follow you to the grave, and one that there is not enough money in this world to ever repay you for the humongous task you have before you – that of raising a child.
Congratulations Mothers and God bless!
P.S. You don’t necessarily have to agree with me on these matters! Thanks!